When I send someone a link to this blog, I tell them I haven't written here in a while, because I only post something when I'm feeling "particularly eloquent." I think it's sad that I haven't felt "particularly eloquent" since July.
Particularly. Eloquent.
Much has changed in my life, and I suppose that has taken the front seat over something as silly as blogging. I've had to leave New York. This is a six-word version of: I withstood a bedbug infestation, was forced to leave my apartment, my job, the new friends I've made and any future opportunities to regain financial standing and resorted to couch surfing at my alma mater and struggling to find a job while I (for lack of a better term) mooch off of my friends and family.
Particularly. Eloquent.
I think the joy one gets out of blogging stems from happy events in their lives. Though I am surrounded with nothing but hardships and life-altering hurdles, I can't help but stay positive. I haven't had a happy event happen to me in a very long time, but I cling to the little things in life that give me at least SOME satisfaction. I am in the company of friends. I am currently residing on the campus I once called home for five years -- a significant chunk of time, if you really think about it. Also, I think it's fitting that I am on Westfield soil again. It inspires a learning atmosphere. And above all, at this moment in my life, that's exactly what I need to be doing -- learning. It's been said many a time that one never stops learning all throughout one's life. I never realized the philosophy and sheer poetry behind that, harsh as it's been for me to realize. I am learning.
Particularly. Eloquent.
I think it's fitting that Thanksgiving is right around the corner. This situation has really shed some light on the real value of things. I haven't been home in quite some time. It will be the first time I've seen my mother in months. I'll get to spend some quality time with my family. It's been too long, and family's where it's at anyway. I miss Eugene. I miss Tim. I miss New York. And I want to get back there. But right now, I think I need to be with family.
Particularly. Eloquent.
It gets difficult sometimes to maintain the rose-colored-glasses, glass-half-full kind of outlook on life when you feel trapped and unable to get anywhere but where you are. But I have always had the opportunity to rely on the support of my friends. There are times when the support is hard to hear. For example, incredulity at the fact that I still have not procured employment for myself. But on the other side of the coin, I haven't truly been doing all I can possibly do. I'm treading water, but the sharks are circling, which means I'm okay for now, and for a while. I feel strongly that I can pull together the strength, willpower and guts to swim towards shore.
Particularly eloquent. Happy events. I guess not. I'm reminded of a quote from a favorite book of mine.
"Dear Friend, I want you to know that I am both happy and sad. And still trying to figure out how that can be."
