My Beef With Bagels

Normally, I wouldn't dream of titling a blog post so blasphemously. Because, really, when you think about it, bagels are the glue that holds the world together.

A bagel, as defined by the New Oxford American Dictionary on my computer, is a dense bread roll in the shape of a ring, made by boiling dough and then baking it. But to anyone besides Noah Webster, the boiling and baking is replaced with magic. Bagels are universally adaptable to most anything you can imagine to put on top of them. They come in a variety of, well... "flavors" so to speak, leaving the possibilities endless.

So why do I have a beef with them, you ask? Here's why.

When I'm eating one, right? Whether it be my signature Dunkin' Donuts breakfast sandwich (Bacon, Egg and Cheese on an Onion Bagel), a long-forgotten treat no longer available in stores (a BerryBerry Bagel with Strawberry Cream Cheese), a deli specialty luncheon (a Cajun Bagel with Tuna Salad), or just sliced, toasted and topped (either an Egg Bagel with Butter, a Plain Bagel with Cream Cheese, or a Garlic Bagel with Hummus), the damn thing just ends too soon.

Maybe it's just because I'm a fatass, but maybe it's just because the bagels of the world are just too darn small for connoisseurs such as myself. Either way, something should be done.