So I like crafts. So what?

How gay is it if I say: "My crocheting is getting exponentially better"?

I'm not one to perpetuate stereotypes, but I have recently delved into the art of yarn. I went a little crazy at Michael's a few weeks back, and have since collected 2 sets of knitting needles, 7 crochet hooks, and about 12 skeins of yarn. It does assuage my genderbent discomfiture to know that the name of the founder of the store is, in fact, "Michael."

My mother was (and I would guess, IS) an avid yarnist. Over the years, our family has had a large quantity of woven blankets in our possession, and I would be hard pressed to put a tangible number to the macrame Christmas ornaments-slash-decorations are in the basement. She taught me how to crochet when I was still in middle school. She was working on a gift afghan for someone, the hook flying in and out of loops like a precision machine. I was fascinated. I chalk it up to my motor skills having not fully developed yet, because my work was sophomoric and sloppy.

To further perpetuate the stereotype I'm trying to avoid, most of my college friends were female. A lot of these ladies had old souls, and thus they made a highly informal stitch-n-bitch circle. This consisted of my friend Erin (who had been knitting her whole life) bringing a project over to our apartment on a day she was kind of miffed about something. While she complained, she had managed to knit about 12 inches of the scarf she was working on. Needless to say, we were intrigued. We all trucked over to Wal-Mart, bought some yarn and some needles, and she gave us the crash course in knitting.

Countless scarves, ipod sleeves and heartbreaking pullouts, I realized that I had never learned how to complete a project. I could loop and pull and knit and purl and half-double crochet until I was blue in the face, and I would never have a finished product.

So I gave up.

Then one day a few weeks ago, while meandering through Michaels on Clark, I came across their yarn sale. I bought 5 or 6 skeins and a hook, picked up a few free pattern instructables, brought them home and started chaining my life away.

Round 1: Ch 49 Whoo hoo!

Round 2: Turn, dc in 2nd ch from hook, [dc in next st, Ch 1] across. Uh... what?

Round 3: Ch 1, turn, 4 hdc in same st, ch 5, skip next 2 st, 38 Fpdc across, ch 5, skip next 2 st, 4 hdc in same st. YOU WILL LOSE 6 ST. ohmygodmakeitstop...

It is at this point when I grab my trusty computer and go to the handy dandy google search to decipher this bizarre code. And thank god for technology. While more often than not, I curse the developments that have led to the decline of human interaction, I have a difficult time remembering when everything under the sun couldn't be found on either Wikipedia or Youtube or some other e-source.

Wikipedia brought me to entire websites devoted to crocheting and knitting and I chose to ignore how sad it was that there were entire websites devoted to crocheting and knitting. These sites told me what the crazy letters mean. Youtube showed me how to translate the crazy letter code words into actual practice. And lo and behold, I'm almost finished with my first project! A washcloth. It's pink with white and beige accents.

Screw it. Over and out... and proud.